I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if only i could text you this smell
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
