Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He better not be in your backpack
I just blew my weed a kiss
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize