dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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