Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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