Well douche your snatch and let's go!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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