if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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