Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Actions speak louder than pants.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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