the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
