I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
