R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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