I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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