I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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