i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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