wakey wakey hands off snakey
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
