i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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