At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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