Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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