you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
