i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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