when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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