I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize