apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
