My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
