dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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