In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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