Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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