Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize