The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
