The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
