i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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