This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
