And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
