Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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