You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
