Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
