question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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