around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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