im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
