I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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