Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
