i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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