Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize