i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
