Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
