He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
