How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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