That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
