i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize