Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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