My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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