I am in a vortex of obligation.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
