what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
