I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
