i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
