so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
