I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
