i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
