mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
