My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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