I am in a vortex of obligation.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize