he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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