If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize