I need to stop coming to work sober
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
