Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
