tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
