Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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